The Kitschies: Children's Crusade by Scott Andrews

Monsters & Mullets Bonus Feature: Hawk the Slayer the Drinking Game

Hawk the Slayer It is a truth universally acknowledged that the best way to view movies both be-monstered and be-mulleted is with a glass of some fine beverage firmly in hand, and that the constant progression of that glass from hand to mouth is likewise of the utmost necessity. 

It is, furthermore, of the greatest factuality that very few monsterous, mullety movies require regular oblation more than Hawk the Slayer.

And so it is with great pride that Pornokitsch presents to you this Monsters & Mullets bonus: the Hawk the Slayer Drinking Game.

What you'll need

  • Friends.  Hawk the Slayer is 25% better for each friend you talk into watching it with you.  Our Hawk the Slayer Drinking Game accommodates up to six people, and a full house improves Hawk the Slayer by 150%.  That's math, so you know it's true.
  • Drinks.  We drank Russians, both White and Black, but White Russians are really gross to chug.  Fortunately, the Hawk the Slayer Drinking Game can be played with any sort of drink, as long as you've got a lot of it.  This might be a fun alternative!
  • Sip.  Take a sip of your beverage of choice whenever:
  1. Someone says the word "Hawk."
  2. You see a mullet.
  3. Anyone dies.
  • Chug.  Before the film, download this sheet, cut out the cards, and distribute the quotes to your assembled friends and loved ones.  For maximum lulz it is absolutely necessary that you read the cards aloud before you begin.  When the lines are spoken during the movie, the person holding the corresponding card must complete his or her drink.   Cheering is heartily encouraged.

The quotes on the cards occur throughout the course of the film, so be sure to pay attention to the movie!  You wouldn't want to miss anything, would you?

Have fun!  And drop us a line letting us know how you got on.


Jack Palance approves of this post.