Pornokitsch

Although people do like to make the “Stockholm Syndrome” joke when it comes to Belle, the film, more than anything else, is about how a smart, industrious young woman comes to civilize an outwardly brutish paramour, revealing the kind prince within him (which is the exact opposite of the original fairy tale, in which the shallow Beauty has to learn to not judge the Beast based on his ghastly exterior). He is then thematically contrasted with an outwardly gorgeous paramour, Gaston, whose brutish personality makes him the true beast of the tale. Beauty and the Beast is enchanting on every level - deeply intelligent, funny, warm, and dazzlingly romantic - and the decision to turn the Beast’s servants into animated “inanimate” objects remains inspired. I want a Mrs. Potts of my very own to sing me to sleep every night (Angela Lansbury FTW!). Musical theatre rarely gets better than this.

Worst Film: The Black Cauldron - To be honest, this is such a strong era for Disney that “Worst” is relative. That’s right. I don’t actually hate The Black Cauldron, and particularly compared to my “Worsts” from the first 2 quarters, I almost feel bad giving this one the label. Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not great Disney by any means. In fact, it’s middling Disney, and an atrocious translation of Lloyd Alexander’s The Book of Three. With that said, however, even Alexander himself praised the film, calling it an enjoyable adventure, albeit not at all his book, and I think that’s the best way to approach it today. Look, it’s a dated, cheesy 80s fantasy film, but it’s not much better or worse than a lot of cheesy 80s fantasy films. It’s certainly easier to sit through than Legend and maintains a similar cult appeal today. Considered at the time to be the flop that nearly destroyed the Disney company, I almost hate to kick the poor thing when it’s down. Let’s just move on...

Favorite Film (tie): Who Framed Roger Rabbit/The Lion King/The Hunchback of Notre Dame - This is another really tough decision, because in many ways, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King, and The Hunchback of Notre Dame are all my favorite, in different ways. But I selected these three for the following reasons: Roger Rabbit, for being endlessly inventive, and still monumentally impressive all of these years later, not only in so seamlessly blending live action and animation in such a creatively dazzlingly way but also in how seriously it takes itself. While it mines a great deal of humor from its conceit, it is also a legit detective noir, with all of the corruption, danger, and darkness that that implies. Bob Hoskins’ earnest performance is what makes the entire thing work. The film even contains a very dark, underlying metaphor regarding the ghettoization and treatment of the Toons for the majority of the film. Judge Doom is also one of the scariest villains ever. And it’s also so. much. fun.

Meanwhile, The Lion King is one of the most emotional films in Disney’s entire arsenal. I know this film inside and out and yet there I am, completely awestruck every time I see it - goosebumps, tears, the whole deal, from the moment Rafiki first shows baby Simba off to the entire animal kingdom to when he does the same for Simba’s child. It’s an awesomely powerful film: the wildebeest stampede, its tragic aftermath, Mufasa’s ghost, a young man torn between running from his past and the need to embrace his destiny, the climactic battle. When it comes to pure drama, I don’t think Disney ever topped Lion Hamlet.

And then there’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is another extremely powerful film that, in my humble opinion, is the closest Disney ever got to an adult, full-blown operatic musical. It has extremely serious, weighty subject matter, a genuinely dark tone, and is the only Disney film whose villain is basically the Church and the cruel hypocrisies of many of those who run it. Unfortunately, it also is the least child-friendly “children”’s film ever, and the wisecracking, anachronistic gargoyles take it down a notch, too. It has, however, some of the most blisteringly potent moments in Disney history, a true highlight being the musical number, “Hellfire,” in which the evil Judge Frollo sings about risking eternal damnation in order to declare his love for the gypsy, Esmeralda. Um, fun for the whole family! Yeesh. The highest compliment I can pay it is that they managed to give Hugo’s novel a new, uplifting ending while still upholding the tone of his book, and even crafting a message far more relevant to today’s world than simply “societal outcasts are doomed to suffer”.

Most Surprising (Positive): The Great Mouse Detective - For some reason, I had never gotten around to seeing The Great Mouse Detective but ended up enjoying it so much that if I had access to a time machine, my first stop would be dropping off a copy of the VHS to 8-year-old me, because I’m 100% convinced it would’ve been my favorite thing in the entire world, second only to the Muppets. It’s a simple concept: a mouse version of Sherlock Holmes, who just so happens to live underneath 21B Baker Street, complete with a Watson-like sidekick. He also enlists the services of the actual Watson’s pet hound, Toby (get it? hound?!), and just like Holmes himself, is obsessively driven by the thrill of mystery-solving, plays the violin, has a fondness for saying “the game is afoot!”, is a master of disguise, and has an brilliant, evil nemesis. This tale’s Moriarty is a deliciously flamboyant rat called Ratigan masquerading as a mouse and voiced by the legendary Vincent Price, who considered the role one of his favorites in his entire career, because he got to sing two delightfully evil songs that had been specifically composed for him. Also, for you steampunk fans out there, Ratigan’s scheme includes replacing the Mouse Queen Victoria (who naturally lives in the walls of Buckingham Palace) with a clockwork automaton version that he can control, and the whole thing culminates in a brilliant showdown inside Big Ben that was one of Disney’s first forays into combining hand-drawn animation with CGI. In short, I love this movie to bits.

Most Surprising (Negative): Oliver & Company - I really loved this one as a kid, and I still contend that Bette Midler’s role as Georgette, the pampered, diva poodle is one of the most delightful performances in the Disney canon...and that exposure to her big number, “Perfect Isn’t Easy” (a pitch-perfect parody of Disney’s great princess “I want” numbers) at a young age might be a major determining factor in my being gay. But watching it today, it’s a very slight film. The best Disney movies provide entertainment for all ages, but, other than Georgette, there really isn’t much to this film that would appeal to anyone over the age of 8. Except for the kitty. The kitty is really cute. Which only leads one to question why not a single child at the start of the film would want to take the most adorable orange tabby kitten in the world home with them. It makes no sense.

Also, Dishonorable Mention to Mulan, which, despite having wonderful moments and a great central character, played this time around as much slighter than I formerly remembered it, with poor pacing, an underdeveloped plot, completely forgettable tunes, and a surprisingly weak climax in which the actual final defeat of the bad guy goes not to Disney’s most feminist character up to that point, but to the tiny Eddie Murphy dragon.

Most Beautiful: The Hunchback of Notre Dame / The Lion King - Choose between the soaring, swooping shots that capture 15th century Paris and the gothic gloriousness of the most famous Notre Dame cathedral, and the breathtaking environs of the Pridelands? Impossible! Honorable Mention to Pocahontas for the truly awe-inspiring visuals of the Colours of the Wind sequence and Tarzan for the goosebump-inducing tree surfing sequences.

Most Boring: Pocahontas - I’ll say one thing for it: Pocahontas has beautiful music, with clever, inventive lyrics. But it’s also saddled with one of the dullest love triangles in Disney history and a plot that moves at an agonizing snail’s pace with nary a single surprise in store. I was white-knuckling it by the end.

Favorite Character(s): Again, this is the Disney Renaissance era, so there are lots of amazing characters. If I had to narrow down to my very top favorites: Ursula, for Best Villain. She is an unusual combination of flamboyantly funny and terrifying. Most Disney villains are either one or the other. Modeled on the famous drag queen, Divine, she has a heft, ferocity, and wicked sense of humor. The Beast for being one of the most endearing characters in all of Disney, even when he’s being grouchy, although the Prince he turns into at the end is decidedly not a favorite. Then there’s Robin Williams’ magnificent Genie, the aforementioned Georgette from Oliver & Co., Minnie Driver’s absolutely delightful Jane from Tarzan - and, oh, about a million others.

Least Favorite Character(s): Hmm, not sure if there really is a character from any of these films who qualifies as a least favorite in terms of genuine dislike for how the character is crafted, written, performed. Out of all of them, Frollo makes me gnash my teeth the most in hatred, but he’s also meant to provoke that response, so I’m not sure whether that counts, because he’s a brilliant, detestable villain.

Best Song(s): Now, this is absolute torture, this being the greatest era of Disney music, particularly those songs written by Howard Ashman and Alan Menken. I’m not sure if there is a “Best,” so much as “these examples are most representative of the overall quality of these film’s scores”. And if I were forced at gunpoint to choose, they would probably be Ariel’s “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid and the eponymous song from Beauty and the Beast, both of which I believe sum up the wonder and the romance of the Disney Renaissance better than any others.

“Part of Your World” has actually been credited by many as being the progenitor of Disney’s entire creative resurgence. Apparently, the moment Ashman and Menken presented this song to the writers/producers/directors of the film, Ariel as a character and the entire production crystallized in the creative team’s mind. The longing voiced in what might be the ultimate “I want” song brought Ariel into focus, making Mermaid the first in a slew of Disney films with more psychologically grounded protagonists, Broadway musical-styled scores, and endless heart. Meanwhile, with Angela Lansbury’s lush, gentle vocals, the love theme from Beauty and the Beast is one of the loveliest songs ever written/performed, summing up all of the joy, love, and hope of Disney’s most enduring works.

Worst Song: “The Morning Report,” The Lion King - This is a bit of a cheat, as it was a song from the Broadway show that was later added into the “Special Edition” re-release of the film, sung by Zazu to Mufasa, as young Simba sneaks up on him to pounce. While it hardly ruins the scene, it’s not very good.

Saddest Scene: Mufasa’s death in The Lion King. I think that’s all that needs to be said on the matter.

Happiest Scene(s): Beauty and the Beast’s dance in Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin and Jasmine’s carpet ride in “A Whole New World,” both sheer bliss, capturing the thrill of new love in various ways.

Scariest Scene(s): The climactic scene of The Little Mermaid, in which an already scary villain turns nightmare-inducing when Ursula captures Triton’s trident and uses it to turn herself into the biggest, most menacing half-woman, half-squid-topus (she has only 6 tentacles but her design is visually closer to that of an octopus) that ever arose from the Lovecraftian depths.

And there we have it! Until next (and last!) time: the home stretch, which encompasses one of Disney’s most uneven and at times dismal run of films, along with its latest revitalization that many are calling equal or close to the heights of the Renaissance!

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