Friday Five: 5 Settings for Stories
Trolling the Hugos: Grab your goats!

Trolling the Hugos: Rules of Engagement

Troll 2In the spirit of the Hugo Awards, we wanted our "Trolling the Hugos" session to have several thousand pages of incomprehensible rules. Except in this case, we're not doing something as trivial as deciding the year's "Best Novel". No no no... we're drinking.

Ana, Anne and I have never seen the infamous Troll duology, so we selected random things based on the movies' IMDB pages. Thea, who has actually seen the movies (bless her), vetted them for spoilers and gave us her blessing.

Each movie has sipping occasions (everyone sips) and drinking occasions (one person has to down their drink). For the sake of even-liveredness, we've divided the drinking occasions between us at random, and we're not entirely sure when they even take place in the movies.

(Please don't spoil this for us. The omnipresent threat of drink-downing is part of the fun.)

Here are the rules  -


Everyone sips their drink:

  • Anyone says the full name “Harry Potter”
  • Anyone says the word "troll"
  • Anyone dies 

One person downs their drink:

  1. Wendy: Ratburgers! 
  2. Wendy: Pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold, pease porridge in the pot nine days old.
  3. Peter: Is she rabid?
  4. Harry Potter Sr.: Honey? Did you do a lot of drugs before we were married?
  5. Torok: Welcome, Brother Elf
  6. Wendy: I know what death looks like. It looks like this!
  7. Harry Potter Jr.: Have you been playing with dead cats?
  8. Torok: A gentle knight was riding across the plain, all clad in mighty arms and silver shield, wherein old dents and deep wounds did remain the cruel marks of many a bloody field. Yet armies till that time did he never yield. His angry steed did chide his foaming bit. Upon a great adventure he was bound, that fairest Gloriana to him gave, the greatest, glorious queen of fairyland. Now, when that idle dream was to him brought, unto that elfin knight he bade him fly, where he slept soundly, void of evil thought and with false shoes abuse his fantasy...

Troll 2

Everyone sips their drink:

  • Anyone says the word "goblin"
  • Anyone offers someone else a drink
  • Anyone dies

One person downs their drink:

  1. Creedence: Think about the cholesterol! Think about... THE TOXINS...!
  2. Drugstore Owner: Are you crazy, boy? We're vegetarians here in Nilbog. 
  3. Creedence:: THAT... is ENOUGH!
  4. Creedence:: This is MYYY HOUSSSSSSSE!
  5. Sheriff Freak: He was one of us... and you killed him! Now it's your turn!
  6. Man: I order you, with the sacred power of the magic stone and it's lord, GO... BACK... TO... HELL!
  7. Joshua: Nilbog! It's goblin spelled backwards! This is their kingdom!
  8. Arnold: "They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOO--"

And because we think it is hilarious, everyone downs their drinks on:

  • Holly: But how are we going to make grandpa come?

We're going to divvy up the numbers amongst ourselves. But now you know why we'll be making even less sense than usual... 

The fun kicks off at 11 AM (EDT) and 4 pm (BST) - we're @thebooksmugglers, @thefingersofgod and @pornokitsch, and you can join in (or mute) with #trollthehugos!

(And drink responsibly.)