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Radio Drama: "Leon" (1956)


Original Air Date: August 28, 1956, from the series The Clock

Thoughts Before Listening

I feel this might be interesting because The Clock seems like a nice name for a series and ‘Leon’ seems like it could be the name of a creepy kid, which is also great. I also remember ‘Leon’ being the name of a furniture store so I feel like it’s totally possible that this could be about a creepy kid made out of upholstery WHICH WOULD BE AWESOME. These are not the best reasons to assume something will be interesting though.

Thoughts While Listening

This is a really long but also incredibly uplifting musical interlude

The intro has kinda-but-not-really quoted Fiddler on the Roof and The Days of Our Lives intro and referenced the spirit world and possibly time travel or possibly not also SO EXCITED ALREADY

So a young man has just been picked up by another dude but like in a hitch-hiking way and not in a sexual way because they didn’t do that kind of thing in 1956.

Ok, cast of characters: Leon, the dude who picked up the other dude because he felt said dude’s vibrationscosmicemanations though again, this doesn’t seem to be in a sexual way so it’s not as interesting as it could be

The non-Leon dude is Marty and he is American and I think that’s about all we can say about Marty.

And so, Marty is offered a job by Leon who is a medium fyi and said job consists of overseeing seating arrangements at séances, taking care of Leon’s car and running errands because I guess that’s what happens to dudes when they hitchhike

Leon lives in a three storey morgue!

Ok Leon lives in a place that looks like a three story morgue, which is very different and also disappointing

So there is going to be a séance that very night and Leon has a lovely wife Gertrude and Marty just said that Gertrude is like a seven course dinner with nothing but dessert. Because why would you not say that about someone.

A seven course dinner with nothing but dessert would probs give you all the indigestion imho

Marty said he hasn’t been hungry since he met Gertrude, which was like a minute ago and she was like where are you from and he said he was from the spirit world, which is SUCH a lie omg and then for some reason she said ‘applesauce’ but it sounded like epplesauce. I’m not kidding, all of that actually happened

He just said that getting a hundred a week was “nice lettuce”

I’m kinda digging the food metaphors tbh

And in this way, the sceptics have firmly established their scepticism of Leon along with their food-oriented liking for one another

Ok séance is going to happen. Marty is referring to the women present as ‘dames’ because men have rights too

I think Leon is now in/on/around/through the spirit world because he is talking like an alien aka an effeminate man of a foreign persuasion aka a dame

So one of the non-dame members of the assembly has asked to speak to his dead brother Harry and he’s like crying and everything and Harry is like, I encourage you to work hard and be patient until we meet again wow wtf Harry

Now there is a glow by the window and the non-dame person is all excited that this is Harry, even though Harry just gave him the worst message ever

After the séance, Marty says he still ‘aint convinced’ by all this ghost mumbo-jumbo malarkey baloney gosh dagnabit

Dagnabit lol

MEANWHILE! Leon has just said that when he dies, he will return, thus presenting the possibility of him returning as an upholstery-covered child in the near future.

Ok. So littered among things like ‘take it easy baby’, ‘what kind of a man are you anyway’, ‘are you nuts’, and ‘oh now baby don’t be like that’, I think I understand that Marty and Gertrude are an item and she wants him to kill Leon and Marty is like nah I’m good

Gertrude just said ‘I want a man, not a creampuff!’ Who doesn’t want a creampuff?

She just said she never wants to see him again!

She just said she wants to see him again!

MEANWHILE! The three of them have taken a ride in the car and now they have stopped in the middle of a “long, high bridge” and Leon and Gertrude have exited said car because Gertrude has seen a manifestation and Leon is stupid

Gertrude has successfully pushed Leon off the bridge PLZ COME BACK AS A SEVEN YEAR OLD CHINTZ PERSON BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE SO COOL

Marty and Gertrude have now taken over the racket, making it yield much more nice lettuce than it used to

Gertrude is doing what Leon did only her voice doesn’t go all high and foreign like his did because women are different

Again we meet the non-dame fellow who is still having so many feelings about his brother Harry and any kind of light basically

Marty and Gertrude are trying to figure out what that alleged Harry light was since it wasn’t either of them and it couldn’t have been headlights.

Maybe it was a luminous rutabaga

This mysterious light is making Marty and Gertrude bananas- SHINE ON YOU CRAZY LUMINOUS RUTABAGA

MEANWHILE! A detective has come for a séance and he wants to talk to Leon but then some other dude started laughing so Gertrude lost her marbles entirely and said she killed Leon so that’s that I guess.

Gertrude got the chair because, as this poster in a restaurant once told me, female of species is more dangerous than male.

It was a weird poster. There was a picture of a bird and a lady who looked very sleepy and had massive lips and if memory serves, I pointed it out to an acquaintance who explained it was because so many female animals eat the males and I was like nice, thanks feminism

MEANWHILE! Marty is in an asylum now because they think he’s crazy because that was the one thing that hadn’t happened yet in this story.


Thoughts After Listening

I thought the food metaphors were interesting. I don’t know what else to say.