Pornokitsch

Thoughts While Listening

Some very self-possessed dude is telling us the difference between country folk and city folk.

Dear dude, I will give you 5 rupees if you can describe the city without using the words ‘throbbing’, ‘lights’, ‘pulse’ or ‘hubbub’.

It behooves me to mention that 5 rupees is about 8 cents.

I’m not sure what you can get for 8 cents but I can get an egg for 4 rupees and one number not-that-great candy for one rupee. I totally understand if you do not want to take up this wager.

Isn’t it weird that Sarah Palin and Azealia Banks had a Twitter fight? I find that really weird.

MEANWHILE! It hasn’t even started yet and I’m bored. This does not bode well.

Dude says he is a country bumpkin at heart particularly now that winter is coming. I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean.

So…… we are in some wagon that is not drawn by humans. What if it is though?

Anyway, a girl who sounds like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz is coming to meet her Aunt Emmy.

Which is weird because Dorothy lives with her Aunty Em no?

Aunt Emmy lives in the woods. So that’s different.

Aunt Emmy has not been seen for months, she was not well for a while and a necktie salesman called Albert Collins disappeared from here around Halloween. Obviously Aunt Emmy ate him.

Blizzard is also coming full of sound and fury. SCENE IS SET!

Sid the hired hand has come to hail them but refuses to help with all the luggage.

He has now agreed to carry in one thing because he is not made of stone.

Dorothy is not expected apparently even though she was apparently invited and Sid hopes Aunt Emmy won’t get mad ooooooooh.

Dorothy’s name is Lucy btw.

They haven’t met in a year and Aunt Emmy had some mental illness and she just said the modern furnace is kept hot enough to burn a man alive OOOOOHHHHHH

Ok this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

The guest room hasn’t been occupied since Halloween and it has a drawer full of ties!

AND THERE’S A PHONE AND SOMEONE IS CALLING ON THIS PHONE.

It’s the police! A woman has escaped from the insane asylum! This is exactly like The Visit except it is also not like that.

Aunt Emmy is like o hai Lucy why don’t you sleep with me in my room and Lucy was like no thanks but with a lot more feeling.

Aunt Emmy is now going to stoke the furnace and Lucy has come down to help someone is going to die now.

Is Aunt Emmy supposed to be the “crazy” one or Lucy? In either case, someone is going into the furnace BAI SOMEONE.

Imma use quotes around the word ‘crazy’ because I have no idea what people mean when they say crazy. Like I feel peeps sometimes say something made them crazy when it just mildly inconvenienced them at the most.

Omg someones screaming someone’s dead someone’s dead someone’s dead

A very good scream also.

Nono sorry there is an ax! With blood! And blood all around it! I am not one to quote the movie ‘Ghost’ willy-nilly but you in danger girl, only I’m not sure who I am saying this to.

Ok I think Lucy fainted and Aunt Emmy is actually being all nice and normal and she carried Lucy upstairs because she is one strong Aunt Emmy

The blood was chicken blood you guys, which kinda sucks for the chicken.

Lucy wants to talk to Sid now, because he was so forthcoming and friendly with her before

Sid is not in his room because he has made a run for the hills because he knows what’s up with Aunt Emmy or Lucy.

Can’t even see the road anymore for the snow BAI LUCY. OR AUNT EMMY. BAI SOMEONE

Bai chicken, we hardly knew ye.

Aunt Emmy is asking all the relevant questions because it’s 2 am and neither of them can sleep.

Oho Lucy’s mom also went “crazy”.

Oho it ran in the family

Oho Emmy and Lucy’s mom were twins

Oho she was a paranoiac with persecution mania

Oho I, who have taken two Buzzfeed quizzes on mental illness and who didn’t win but didn’t completely lose also, strongly believe that Lucy was exhibiting symptoms of paranoia and persecution mania.

Oho.

BAI AUNT EMMY

Lucy is like omg what was in the coffee you gave me? Why is the furnace so hot? Why is Donald Trump like that?

Not the last one but it’s a relevant question nonetheless.

Aunt Emmy has a fire poker BAI LUCY BAI

I don’t know who to root for in this story because life is so unpredictable

Lucy is now saying she’s sleepy but now she’s like oh I can’t open the window in this room and I think so she has been locked in

Maybe just go to sleep

What does it mean when you hear about someone being locked in a bedroom all by their lonesome and your first thought is oh nice, you can sleep

Lucy has a knife but how? How did she get out? Who did all the magic?

Oh! There’s a dude voice happening!

I think it’s a doc…

Sid went for a doc!

So in the end, it was Lucy who was “crazy” and Aunt Emmy knew all along so Sid went to get a doc. No one seems to care about the chicken

Lucy is like, it’s been a nice holiday because that’s what “crazy” people do at the end of these kinds of stories.

Thoughts After Listening

That was kinda neat! Although sometimes I feel like we use mental illness in stories simply because we don’t feel like using vampires or aliens. And by that I mean it’s like we say ok let’s have this person think he is a banana because this person is mentally ill/a vampire/an alien. That’s not the best metaphor for this but anyway.