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Jyn, Rey and The Star Wars Experience

Radio Drama: "They Bite" (1982)

Chomp chomp chomp

 "They Bite" first aired in 1982 on Nightfall.

Thoughts Before Listening

Why am I listening to another episode from Nightfall? Is it because Donald Trump is now the king of America and my country’s 500 and 1000 rupee notes have become demonetised? Is it because Tila Tequila is a Nazi now? Is it because Delhi was declared the most polluted city in the world because like we keep telling everyone, India is the best at everything? Is it because all the things are now bananabonkers? The answer obviously is yes.

Thoughts While Listening

So anyway I chose this one because when I was a little youth, I read "They Bite" in short story form in an Alfred Hitchcock collection and I liked it so much

Other great stories from said book were The Birds by Daphne du Maurier, Spring Fever by Dorothy Salisbury Davis and Composition for Four Hands by Hilda Lawrence. I liked the whole book though tbh

Said book was called Alfred Hitchcock Presents: My Favorites in Suspense. Fyi.

Also I want to say that for us, Trump became king of America on the same day that our 500 and 1000 rupee notes were demonetised.



What it is listening distance, will I ever learn this mysterious thing.

This dude says good evening like it really IS a good evening but also like he is going to steal somebody’s pants

This story is apparently about people who are homesick for themselves. I don’t know what that means.

Wtf I thought this was about biting people.

Nemmind, I’m sure it is about biting people and he just said that to sound cool.

Ok sure, racial slur right off the bat but it was the 80s and racism only exists if you say it does and I will not be that guy, by golly

So we have a desert called Nevada, a guy named Hugh, this other guy Corey and Corey has a petrol bunk aka a gas station and Hugh likes dinosaur bones and went crazy in Vietnam.

Hugh also has a degree in palaeontology and he went crazy in Vietnam.

Hugh went crazy in Vietnam and he went crazy in Vietnam. There, we’re all set now.

I want to say that I’m really liking Corey’s colourful American language but by saying so, am I exotisizing him, ignoring his words entirely and marvelling instead at the fact that not only can he talk, but that he talks like that? Obvs yes so I am very sorry

Did you know that apart from going crazy in Vietnam, Hugh was also very helpful? Now you know.

So Corey invites Hugh to the desert to see all the dinosaur bones but when Hugh gets there, the wind hides all the bones because the wind is a wily fellow.

Hugh also stutters fyi

Despite the wind’s keenest efforts, Hugh and Corey may have discovered a complete 25 ton stegosaurus skeleton in the desert

There are teeth marks on the dinosaur bones and it looks like they were made before the bones fossilized THIS IS WHAT WE CAME FOR!!!!

We will pass lightly over the fact that they seem to have just stumbled on a complete 25 ton dinosaur skeleton that was just lying there nbd

They saw something but also maybe they didn’t see anything. Also, they heard something but maybe they didn’t hear anything. Add this to the teeth marks and we have the makings of a good time.

Some radical music is happening now. Dig the radical music

Hugh has found all sorts of neat dinosaur items and he is also making sketches of gliders from the nearby army area because why not

I think Hugh stutters when he is upset or maybe when he remembers to idk

You know how you’re like doing something important and then later, you discover you aren’t doing the important thing anymore but you are looking for Corey Feldman music videos? Or clips from the Jim Bakker show? Usually the Jim Bakker show.

Anyway, Hugh is like there are things out there eating things and making noises and living life and Corey is like so what

They of course do this in a much more dramatic way

Corey is blaming all this on the desert and the heat and overwork because these things have no way of defending themselves

Hugh has just admitted to being a fugitive apart from being all the other things that he is

Hugh has a full life.

Is this a good reason to start the radical music? Yes it is!

Corey and Hugh are at the bar now. It is called the Cactus Bar because that is what you name a bar that lives in the desert

Hugh is telling Corey that he met Morgan out in the desert. Morgan harkens from their war days and he seems interested in Hugh’s talent for making sketches of the gliders and it wasn’t that interesting actually so I didn’t really listen

Maybe it was important though. I don’t really know. Anyway it is just my opinion

Also Morgan doesn’t sound like a nice person

And there are flies.

And Morgan said ‘nervous in the service’ lol

Also Hugh invited Morgan over for rum because idk

Corey feels this is a good time for Hugh to meet the locals

Is it a good time for Hugh to meet the locals?

The time for doubt has passed. Hugh is meeting the locals.

Please meet Fred, Joe, Art, VW and of course, Old Jake.

Please make Old Jake talk about all the scary things.

Old Jake’s doing a pretty good job talking about the scary things. He is the right person for this job

The things up at the old Carker place are not ghosts but they are as hard to spot as ghosts and they are real and they bite READY FOR THE SCARY THINGS RIGHT NOW

They are also small and brown and naked and sneaky and make weird noises and my illustrious acquaintance says that’s racist as fuck

I’m not sure if it is or not.

Let’s go for it’s not racist.

The original Carkers, after failing to make much of their homestead, resorted to eating each other and then other people and even the army couldn’t get them out because this storyline is not fooling around

Illustrious acquaintance wants to know why it’s always the brown people who eat the white people like where are the stories about thin naked squeaking white people eating unsuspecting brown people and I said they aren’t brown people they are Carkers so obvs I won that

Anyway, one of the Carkers also ate Old Jake’s dog. Aw L RIP Old Jake’s dog.

It also seems to have taken three fingers off someone’s hand but eating a dog is way worse

They bite, how many times have we heard that tonight- YOU HAVE HEARD IT SO MANY TIMES WOW

Hugh and Morgan are now meeting in rollicking fashion

I’m sorry if it was sexist to describe Hugh and Morgan’s meeting as ‘rollicking’

I also did not mean to imply they are homosexuals because they are men who were rollicking

I’m also sorry I don’t use the word ‘rollicking’ more often

Illustrious acquaintance has suggested that I keep feeling the urge to watch Corey Feldman videos while listening to this because one of the characters is named Corey

What does it mean though, when you hear the name Corey and your first response is ya bai I have to watch ‘What’s Up with Youth’ now

Anyway. Hugh is just swinging around a machete because he has a machete and he can swing it around if he wants to

Now they are talking about books

Now they are talking about burying the hatchet lol someone’s going to die and be an idiom at the same time

Ya so it was Morgan BAI MORGAN

Hugh is now going to put Morgan’s body in the Carker house WOOHOO

The hut has some furniture and a clay figure and a hollow stone with dried blood WOOHOO

There is a mummified woman which Hugh is thoughtfully describing to us in great detail




One of them is biting Hugh so Hugh whacked it with the machete and it died and its teeth kept living and biting Hugh BAI HUGH

Hugh is now trying to wrench the teeth off his hand

Now he is trying to use his teeth to get the other teeth off his hand

Now he has cut his hand off and this seems to have worked well in removing the teeth



The other Carker thing is blocking the door and is just standing there because it’s waiting for the stone hollow to fill with Hugh’s blood bai Hugh just bai.


Thoughts After Listening

I thought that was pretty good! I will probably take a break from Nightfall though because, to quote so many cool people, it seems like the right thing to do. However, I want to make one list of Nightfall shows that look promising for future reference.

The Tell-Tale Heart - Maybe not though. For me, it’s like this story will appear in some anthology or show list and I’ll be like THE TELL-TALE HEART OMG YUS and then I will hear it and remember I don’t actually like it that much and now that I’m older I find myself laughing at a lot of it because I don’t know how to appreciate gothic things anymore.

The Devil’s Backbone - Movie of the same name is one of my favourites and is so great. I understand that doesn’t necessarily mean this is the same thing and will be so great too.

The Monkey’s Paw - The monkey’s paw in the story is from India so obvs yay India we’re the best

The Chrysalids - I really really really really like the BBC (1981 I think?) version of this but will this one also be worthy of that same great love? Who can say?

Young Goodman Brown - Feel like this is a great story but that’s about it.

Welcome to Homerville - I think someone recommended this one but also because Homer as in Homer Simpson, the latter not really being a good reason to listen to a radio play

The Room -


lol okbai