Pornokitsch

Sense & Sensibility

You're probably the reason people still teach this in high school, thereby ruining Austen for generations of people who might otherwise like her books. Yes, one sister has the sense and the other has the sensibility; students don't have to dig very deep to get this one. Is that really the legacy you want to leave the world?

Emma

Every time people talk about how Austen novels have no grounding in the real world, they're actually talking about Emma, which briefly uses a minor character's poverty to teach the main character humility before returning to its utter frothy meaninglessness. This is the safest Austen to claim as a favourite, and the most boring.

Persuasion

You're an Austen hipster. You have almost certainly spent at least one evening arguing that Shirley or Villette are better than Jane Eyre, and that Anne Bronte is the best Bronte.

Northanger Abbey

Austen's piss-take of the popular fiction of her time is less sexy and/or trashy than the actual Gothic novels she was satirising, and less satisfying than her more famous novels. This book is full of jokes about cloth. Your sense of humour is 200 years out of date.

Mansfield Park

Honestly, no one likes this one. Fanny's a drip, Edward's a drip, everyone's a drip. You're just saying this one's your favourite to be a reactionary. Have you even read it?

Lady Susan

You are an academic.