Pornokitsch

Authors are supposed to write for fame, but fame and fortune are twin sisters which are seldom separated. Hack writers are indeed hard worked and poorly paid, but in the higher walks of literature rewards are generous. In London, the rates to first-class writers are $100 per 1,000 words. In one case $135 was paid, and in another $175 demanded. Amelia Barr, the famous novelist, receives $20,000 a year from the sale of her books. There is a great deal of subterranean literature unknown to the critics and the magazine writers, but which, nevertheless, pays handsomely. One Richebourg, of Paris, has 4,000,000 readers, and often receives $12,000 for the serial rights alone, yet he is unknown to the magazine public. In this country the Albatross Novels, by Albert Ross, sold to the extent of a million copies, and the author acquired such a fortune that he was able to engage in charity on a magnificent scale, yet the author is unknown to fame.

Among the instances of the pecuniary rewards for single works are Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo, which brought $80,000 and Trilby, which netted the author the princely sum of $400,000. Quo Vadis, by Sienkiewicz, sells all over the world, but its author had already made half a million dollars with his pen before he wrote that popular book.

It is not our purpose in this chapter to treat of books requiring transcendent genius to create, but rather to suggest titles of works which may be composed by less gifted authors, books, which if written with fair ability cannot fail to be of interest and profit.

742. The Popular Novel. This is the best paying form of literature. The pen that can touch the popular heart may not be a gold one, but it will bring gold into the pockets of him who wields it. Amelie Rives received $6,000 for According to St. John. Lord Lytton received $7,500 for some of his novels. Of the Heavenly Twins, 50,000 copies were sold in 1894; of the Bonny Brier Bush, 30,000 in five months; and of the Manxman 50,000 in four months. Of Mrs. Henry Wood’s East Lynne, 400,000 have been sold, and her thirty-four books have reached altogether over 1,000,000 copies. In France, there are sold every year of Feuilleton’s works, 50,000; of Daudet’s, 80,000, and of Zola’s, 90,000. Hall Caine received outright a check for $50,000 for “The Christian.” He had struck the popular chord with the Deemster. There was almost a pilgrimage of publishers to the Isle of Man to make engagements for the pen of the new writer when that book was launched upon the market.

743. The Short Story. The short story is very popular in this country, and has attained a perfection reached nowhere else in the world. The rules of success in this department are briefly these: First, to be strikingly original; second, to write simply and naturally; and third, to condense into the smallest compass. Be brief. This is the age of electricity. Many a story of 10,000 words has been rejected when if it had contained half that number it would have been accepted. Publishers pay liberal rates for short, good stories. The New York Herald recently paid Mollie E. Seawell $3,000 for a short story. Within a very short time a magazine has offered a price of $1,000 for the best short story; another has made the same offer; and a third one of $500. Among the publications that pay the authors the highest rates are Harper’s Magazine, the Century, McClure’s, the Youth’s Companion, and the Ladies’ Home Journal. There are several others that pay nearly as much.

744. The Village Reporter. Write up some event that occurs in your neighborhood. Any leading newspaper will pay for it if well written. It must be spicy, but not ornate. Put in strong, nervous adjectives; color well. Take care not to make it libelous. If you succeed you can try again, and if you show aptness at the work you will doubtless secure a position as a reporter.

745. The Truth Condenser. Facts for the million! Do you know that a cyclopedia of the most useful information can be written in a single volume? The “Britannica” has twenty-five volumes. The “International” fifteen. Here is needed the faculty of condensation. Use facts only, and you will be surprised to find how many articles consist only of words. Make use of the great cyclopedias, the newspaper almanacs, government reports, and all books in which knowledge is condensed. Pack the book full of the things the millions want to know.

746. Town History. Write a short history of your native town or of some other town. Publish the portraits, and residences or places of business, of the leading townsmen. Mention in the book everybody in the town whom you can. Even for the most humble can be found a place in a work of genealogy. The wealthy will give you large sums for the illustrations, and the vanity of the poor will cause them to buy a book in which their name appears. Cost of issue of book, $1,000. One thousand subscribers at $2 apiece, $2,000. One hundred of the wealthier class who will pay you $10 apiece for their portraits, $1,000. Profits, $2,000. If you are satisfied with the result, go on to the next town, and so on ad infinitum.

747. The Shoppers’ Guide. A small book could be issued in paper covers for twenty-five cents, giving an explanation of every kind of goods, the difference, and the best kinds and brands. Not one person in twenty is posted on these things, and must take the clerk’s word. It should show what firms make a specialty in any line or department, and on what days they make a discount. Merchants would no doubt pay you at advertising rates for such a notice of their places of business. The book should include dry-goods and fancy stores as well as grocers and meat markets. Such a book should sell by the million.

748. A Birthday Book. We have the “Shakespeare Birthday Book,” the “Tennyson Birthday Book,” the “Emerson Birthday Book,” and many others. Add one more, the “Richter.” The writings of Jean Paul abound in felicitous and eloquent passages, just suited for such a work.

749. A Church-Workers’ Book. A man had a half-written book on church-work, dividing it into twenty branches with one thousand working plans to be given by the most successful ministers and other Christian workers in the land; but owing to a pressure of other duties he was unable to complete it. This lead is still unworked.

750. Household Economics. A book can be written by one who understands the subject which it would pay every housekeeper to buy. The kitchen alone should supply at least one hundred examples of waste. The care of servants would employ another important part of the book. Every room would afford a chapter. Such a book, telling the inexperienced housekeeper what to buy and how to economize would save money for many a beginner.

751. The Plain Man’s Meal. A book with this title should have a ready sale. All cook books are for persons who can keep a butler, or at least one or two servants. The recipes are expensive. Write one by means of which an economical housewife can get a meal for four at an expense of fifty cents. A regular menu for each meal for every day of the year would be appreciated. Plain food and simple cooking at cheap cost. The book should not be over 300 pages, and should not sell for more than one dollar.

752. Present Century Celebrities. Nothing in history is harder to find out than the lives of persons in the last generation. History tells us the remote past, contemporary literature tells us about the present, but there is no book that tells us about the recent past. The men who were prominent in statesmanship, commerce and literature, two or three decades ago are not heard of now. A new generation has come upon the stage and knows them not. This is a want felt by every one who takes the slightest interest in times and men. Get out a book with a short chapter devoted to each of the prominent men who have lived in the last half of the nineteenth century. If this work seems too voluminous, then let it comprise only the leading men in our country since the Civil War. If well written it should command a great sale.

753. Readers’ Guide Book. A guide book for good reading which can be sold for $1 is a desideratum. Enumerate a few of the best books of all the great departments of literature with a short critique upon each. The list of the books as well as the critiques can be condensed from any of the ponderous reference lists in our great libraries.

754. American Eloquence. There should be a book published which would preserve the different types of American eloquence. If it could be made a kind of text-book on oratory, it would have an immense sale. Tens of thousands of young men are fitting themselves to be lawyers, preachers, elocutionists, and public speakers in various capacities. They want a book which will give them the rules and models of effective speech. A book written with so much care as to make it a kind of standard of eloquence and oratory would pay well for the painstaking task. Our standard schoolbooks have proved mints of money to their authors.

755. Racers’ Record Book. A book which should be a reliable record of the fastest times made in horse races, bicycle meets, and sporting matches, ought to have a ready sale. It should consist of condensed tables of all the records of all the great races, interspaced with blank leaves for the jotting down of new records. There are at least a million men interested in racing, and at a very moderate estimate one-quarter (250,000) ought to buy your book, which, we will say, sells for twenty-five cents.

756. Your Own Physician. We want a book on health, written from the latest point of view of hygiene and physiology. Get a symposium of physicians to write on such topics as dress, diet, exercise, sleep, medicine, baths, etc. Most physicians would regard the advertising benefits of these articles as sufficient remuneration, while at the same time their names would help to sell the work, but if necessary pay them for their services. Entitle the work, Your Own Physician, and sell it on subscription, the canvasser showing how much cheaper it is to keep well at $2—the price of the book—than to get well at $200—the charge of a physician for services in a long spell of illness.

757. The Boy’s Astronomy. A small book about the sun, moon and stars, made attractive for beginners. It should teem with illustrations, and the youthful reader should be fascinated as he follows the sun and moon in their courses, learns how eclipses occur, and understands about meteors, comets, and nebulæ. There should also be directions for finding the principal stars on any night of the year. Such a book should command a ready sale, for he who writes for boys and girls has the largest market.

758. Recreations in Chemistry. A bishop of the Methodist Episcopal Church once wrote a book entitled Recreations in Astronomy, which has had a very large sale. But there is just as much room for Recreations in Chemistry, if written with as much imagination and skill. It should contain such fascinating chapters as “Chemistry of a Candle,” “The Dynamics of a Dewdrop,” “The Evolution of an Oak.” The chief points in the authorship should be accuracy and a charming style.

759. The Curiosity Book. A book packed with the curious things in every department of human research. People like to read about the rare and the curious. A hundred chapters, short, spicy, and containing each a few wonderful things in a special field of learning, would be very popular with both young and old. As a gift book it would be unexcelled. There is money in it.

760. The Child’s Bible. A Bible which shall contain the numerous stories so connected in narrative form as to make a continuous history from beginning to end. It should be very simple, and in no way do violence to the sacred record. If properly written, this book could be sold by canvassers in almost every home, and should bring much gain to the author.

761. Guide to Trades. A complete guide to all the important professions, occupations, callings and trades. This work should show the opportunities in each trade, the comparative chances of success, the remuneration, and a few simple rules for guidance. It should bristle with facts, and should also give one or two examples in the form of stories—short autobiographies still better—of men who have been successful in each department of work. The advantage of this book is that it has no competitor, covering an entirely new field in authorship.

762. The Pleasure Book. Here is a unique idea for a book. Let there be three hundred or more sections, one for every week day in the year, and let each section contain a different form of amusement. Books on games, riddles, sports, etc., can be drawn upon for supplies. As you must provide enjoyment for all kinds of weather, it will be well to have a short alternative for rainy days in each section. The amusement should be of the greatest possible variety, from the fox-hunt in the fields to the thimble-hunt in the parlor. As a large number of people have leisure only at night, perhaps a work entitled, Three Hundred Happy Evenings would be better than the suggestion above, though it would necessarily have to leave out most outdoor sports. Holidays should have a more elaborate programme.

763. The Soldier’s Book. There are 750,000 survivors of our Civil War. It would be too much to publish in one book even the briefest account of each. The work should be published in several parts, a volume to a State. In a State like New York, three lines only could be given to the record of a private, but even for the briefest mention of himself and his comrades nearly all the old soldiers would buy the book. In smaller States more space could be given to each man’s record. Considerable capital would be required in the collecting of facts and records, but the publication of such a work would certainly pay, if accurately written and thoroughly canvassed. We have estimated the cost of collecting the information at twenty-five cents for each soldier. It would be much less in great cities where a large number of men could be seen in one day. Cost for 100,000 soldiers, $25,000. Such is the vanity caused by seeing one’s name in print that the book would sell at least to every second soldier. Fifty thousand copies at $2.50, $125,000. Deduct one-fourth for cost and getting out the book, $31,250. Discount for canvassers at one-third the price of the book, $41,666. Total cost, $72,916. Profits, $51,084 for 50,000 copies.

764. Book of Style. A man well versed in books could write a small volume on literary style which could be sold to advantage for $1 per copy. The number of literary men is constantly increasing. More than 10,000 young men and women are graduated every year from our colleges. At a very low estimate, 25,000 would want a work of this kind.

765. Science of Common Things. A book of great interest to everybody could be compiled from the vast body of matter contained in the last quarter of a century in such periodicals as the Popular Science Monthly, the Scientific American, etc. It should contain a number of chapters about the heating and ventilating of dwellings, about clothing and food, about road making and house building, and many other things, and be written in such a fascinating style as to make the work attractive, even to persons who ordinarily take no interest in such discussions. The success of such a book depends entirely upon its style. It is possible to write one containing a fortune for the author.

766. Popular Songs. If you are a musical composer there is another rich field which invites you. Many a man in the making of bars and clefs has braided strands of gold. Daniel Emmett wrote “Dixie,” and it ran like wild fire all over the country. Stephen Foster made a fortune with “Old Folks at Home,” Charles K. Harris wrote “After the Ball.” Its sales were over a million copies, and it made him an independently rich man. H. W. Petrie wrote “I Don’t Want to Play in Your Yard.” Its success was phenomenal, and is likely to prove a bonanza to the author; 50,000 copies were sold before they were fairly dry from the press. Edward B. Marks, a young writer of New York, wrote “The Little Lost Child,” which netted him $15,000. Sir Arthur Sullivan received $50,000 for his famous song, “The Lost Chord.” Mr. Balfe got $40,000 for “I Dreamt that I Dwelt in Marble Halls.”

767. Foreign Translations. Another very wide field is that of the translation of foreign works. There are vast numbers of foreign works upon which there are no copyrights in this country, and others upon which the copyrights have expired. This is a profitable field and comparatively unworked. Even of such transcendant works as those of George Sand and Balzac only a few have been translated. Publishers pay for translations about the same as royalties on original works. Dryden received $6,000 for his translation of Virgil, and Pope received $40,000 for his rendering of the “Iliad.”

768. Children’s Stories. There are bags of money in children’s stories. Every child at a certain age wants to read or be read to, and there are seven million of this age in the United States. The stories should be{231} short, bright, simple and original, and the book should contain a number of illustrations. Whoever pleases the children pleases the world. Alice in Wonderland brought a fortune to its author, and every year Christmas stories for the children bring much money into the pockets of the writers.

769. Condensed Stories. All the popular and standard fiction of the world could be condensed into a dozen volumes by a master hand. It has never yet been attempted. Some omnivorous reader and ambitious writer may yet try it. He must get the heart of the story—the plot—without regard to side issues, by-plays, or ornamentation. See in how few words you can tell one of the Waverley novels without omitting any of the main features. Then publish the entire series in one volume. It is a new idea, and ought to take.

770. The Manner Book. How to Act, How to Behave, How to Eat, How to Talk, How to Write Letters, How to Propose—in short, the correct way to get on in life. A book consisting of pert, witty chapters upon good manners ought to make a fast-selling work. Many have been written, but none as yet quite meet the demand.

771. The George Republic. Something entirely new. Do you know that in the village of Freeville, Tompkins County, New York, there is a republic composed of many hundred persons ruled entirely by boys, and these the worst of boys, taken mostly from the slums of our cities, a class which could not be governed in the ordinary way? It is hardly too much to say that it is the most suggestive experiment in self-government in all history, and it awaits the pen of a practiced writer. The movement is doubtless to be permanent and popular, and the first one to pen it in graphic style will doubtless gather a good harvest.

772. One Thousand Times Across the Atlantic. Here is a capital idea! Many sea captains have crossed the ocean as many times as that. Get an Atlantic veteran to tell you some of the most thrilling stories of his forty years’ sailing. He may not be much of a writer, but you can put the matter into attractive form. For a small compensation, or perhaps for the love of the thing, he would tell you many exciting tales of the sea. The title is taking.

773. The Man Hunter. Few writings are more fascinating than detective stories, and no one has more interesting matter to relate than one of the sleuths of the law. Think of Sherlock Holmes, whom Conan Doyle created, and who has made piles of money for his author.

774. Story of a Ragpicker. It is a new idea. Did a ragpicker ever write before? But he must have had many interesting experiences. Transfer the stories from his tongue to your pen. Paste these uncouth patches into a literary crazy-quilt as an experienced writer knows how to do, and you will have a book whose title will advertise it, and whose unique contents will make it sell.

775. Story of a Diver. Under the ocean! Jules Verne’s Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea actualized! No one can have more thrilling experiences than a diver. Catch the homely words from his lips, gild them with a lively imagination, color them with an expert pen, and you have a book whose sales will astonish you.

776. Story of a Convict. Here is another new idea. The under side of life is seldom if ever told. Who knows what the convict thinks, feels, and suffers? Let a narrative be written from a convict’s point of view. Let him tell how he committed the crime, how he was induced to do it, how he felt when he was doing it, his motives and hopes, the account of his arrest, what his lawyer said to him, his trial, condemnation, and sentence. Then his long imprisonment. A convict who is a good talker could easily give you material which you could skillfully work up into an attractive book, as novel as it would be interesting. Much of the success of Les Miserables was due to the vivid portrayal of the sufferings of Jean Valjean.

777. The Stowaway. Another unique idea! Stowaways are constantly crossing the ocean. Get his story. Tell pathetically his motives for crossing the water, and the account of his privations on shipboard. Here is matter for another Robinson Crusoe.

778. Wheel and World. “Across the Continent on a Bicycle!” “Around the World on a Wheel!” These are attractive titles. All wheelmen—there are 300,000 in New York alone—would read it. If you have not made the journey yourself, get some one who has, for a small sum, to tell you the story.

779. Story of a Fireman. A fireman dwells in the midst of alarms. A veteran fireman has been to thousands of fires. Let him tell you twenty or thirty of them in his own way, the thrilling adventures, the hairbreadth escapes, the heroic rescues, and the magnificent and appalling scenes. Every fireman would buy the book, and, if well written, all the fireman’s friends, which means about everybody.

780. In a Balloon. Here is a most attractive field which has never been occupied. Edgar Poe’s Journey to the Moon is celebrated, but it is only a phantasy, while we may have an equally interesting reality—not indeed of a journey to the moon, but through the clouds. If the narrative could be combined with a romance, this might be made the book of the day, which, of course, means many thousands of dollars in the pockets of the author.

781. Story of an Engineer. Another man whose life is worth relating is that of an old engineer. Fill the book with an account of his wonderful runs and his thrilling adventures on frontier roads. Of course, there must be horrible accidents, daring “hold-ups,” bold train robberies, stalling in snowbanks, fleeing from prairie fires, and racing with engines of rival roads.

782. Story of a Murderer. Let the criminal give his version of the affair. Not every murderer has a story, or is willing to tell it; but out of hundreds of convicts you should be able to weave a tale as lurid as Blackbeard among the pirates or Bluebeard among the fairies. If it be a recent and celebrated case which has cut a large figure in the newspapers, so much the better.

783. Story of a Tramp. New interest is being taken in this erratic and omnipresent individual. And the time is ripe for a facile pen to portray his vagaries and his wanderings. Story of a Tramp affords an almost unparalleled scope for an author, and there is no phase of civilization which may not be drawn upon to make the story interesting.

784. Story of a Lunatic. A very thrilling story, somewhat perhaps after the manner of C. Brockden Brown’s Weiland, could be worked up from the ravings of a lunatic. There are a vast number of persons who have wild, harrowing tales. In fact, the audience for such stories is larger than the number of readers of the finer quality of literature. A writer in a recent newspaper says: “The masses do not read the magazines, but they do read sensational literature in the form of dime novels and weekly story papers, and this flashy fiction earns far more money for its writers than is made by more ambitious authors and more pretentious publications.”

785. Story of a Criminal Lawyer. A retired criminal lawyer might make money by the narrative of his most extraordinary cases. If he does not care to write the narrative himself he might in odd moments give it to you. With the pen of a Doyle you might reap that author’s immense royalties.

786. Story of the Klondike. Many stories of adventure and hardship will doubtless be written about the new land of gold, but the harvest will be reaped by the keen pen of him first in the field. If Alaska has been unkind to you, you may revenge yourself by digging gold from her bowels with the pen.

787. The Exposition of Frauds. A very interesting book might be written with this title. Take a few national scandals, like the “Panama Fiasco,” “The South Sea Bubble,” “The Grant-Ward Swindle,” “The Tichborne Claimant.” These subjects when handled with a skillful pen are very interesting to business men.

788. Sermons of Modern Preachers. We have volumes of collected and selected sermons, but no volume which contains various specimens of the preaching of the present day. Have one sermon each from the very newest of pulpit celebrities, such as S. Parkes Cadman, Hugh Price Hughes, Wilbur Chapman, together with one each from such well-known preachers as Phillips Brooks, T. DeWitt Talmage, and Sam Jones. There are over 100,000 ordained clergymen in the United States, and at least one-half of them would want this book.

789. The Wonder Book. A book describing briefly and graphically a few of the great wonders of the world, such as London the greatest city, Niagara the greatest cataract, Monte Carlo the greatest gambling place, while other chapters would be headed, “The Greatest Picture Gallery,” “The Longest Railroad,” “The Tallest Pyramid,” “The Deepest Well,” etc. The book would have a vast sale among young people, and would be popular among all classes.

790. Health Resorts. Their number is legion. Select a few of the principal in all parts of the country, and write charmingly of their peculiar merits. Especially impress upon your public the specific diseases for which they are beneficial. The 500,000 invalids of the country would want the book.

791. The All-Cure Book. A book which treats thoroughly the newest systems of cure, such as the Magnetic, Water Cure, Massage, Barefoot, Christian Science, etc., giving a history of the same, and an account of the alleged cures.

792. Success. A book for young men. Get twenty business men in different lines to tell you each in a few pages how he was successful. It would be very popular if you could secure as authors such men as John Wanamaker, George Gould (for his deceased father, Jay Gould), James Gordon Bennett, Murat Halstead, etc.

793. How to See New York. Not a guide book, but one far more beneficial to strangers who want to see the great metropolis. It should contain at least three sets of directions for persons preparing to visit the city for the first time. These methods and order of sightseeing should be radically different, giving the intending visitor the choice of the three. The million or more people who come every year to New York for the first time would want the book, and half of them would doubtless buy it if freely advertised and sold for not more than fifty cents.

794. Map Making. There is money in the making of town, county and state maps. For this you need the services of a good surveyor. Go to a map publisher and get his estimates of cost; he can inform you where to get a surveyor, and give you much other valuable advice. As a rule, maps sell in proportion to the smallness of the territory portrayed, people being chiefly interested in their immediate neighborhood. It is with towns as with boarders—there is not much money in one or two, but he who has the capital to work twenty towns at a time will do well. Jay Gould got his first start in this way.

795. Story of the Pole. A score or more of great captains have tried to reach the pole, and many of them have told their story in captivating books, but we want a book in which each man’s story shall be condensed into a single chapter of fifty pages each. The thousands of people who like comparisons and admire hardy adventures would like a book of this kind.

796. The Making of a Mighty Business. We have spoken of the men who made the business, but this book deals with the business itself. What a great book could be made of a few chapters each, one devoted to such themes as “A Great Railroad,” “A Great Sugar House,” “A Great Banking House,” “A Great Steamship Company,” “The New York Post Office,” “The United States Patent Office.” This book would appeal for interest to all classes, and ought to be very profitable to the author.

797. Heroes of Labor. Now let the laboring man tell his story. A book to consist of chapters written by such labor leaders as T. V. Powderly, Samuel Gompers, Mr. Sovereign, and other Knights of Labor, relating the story of their struggles with capital. Technical matters, such as interviews with directors and tables of wages should be made as brief as possible, while strikes, scenes of violence and suffering, should form the chief matter of the book. Here is a chance for a gifted writer to make a second Uncle Tom’s Cabin, a book whose sale in this country has eclipsed that of any other thing ever published.

798. The Elite Directory. Some cities like New York have such a book, but other cities have not. Here is a field for the talent of the reportorial variety. It will be a delicate matter to decide who shall be included in the gilded circle and who shall be excluded, but if you are discreet and discriminating, careful to make your book contain the names of only the recognized people of society, these will in nearly all cases buy your book, and will not be afraid of a good round price.

799. Popular Dramas. These have made the fortunes of their authors. A playwright often receives $100 per night while the play runs. More frequently the manager pays a sum outright for the rights of the play. The sum of $10,000 was paid recently for the right to dramatize a popular work of fiction, the author having already received a fortune from its sale as a novel. Eugene Scribe, the French dramatist, left at his death the sum of $800,000, mainly his earnings as a playwright.

800. Furnishing a Home. A book on home furnishing, treating the subject from an artistic point of view, would doubtless find a market. Each room should have a separate chapter. The furnishing should be considered from the standpoint of expense, comfort, color and harmony. A book entitled Inside a Hundred Homes had a large sale.

801. Pretty Weddings. Here is a field entirely unoccupied. Select twenty of the most stylish weddings of modern times, and give a full account of them. They should be, of course, weddings among the bon ton. The book would be a kind of fashionable wedding guide, and would be eagerly bought by every lady who expects to be a bride. The book also might contain hints and rules for weddings among all grades of social life.

802. Quotation Book. One not classified in the old way, according to subjects, but in relation to occasion. Quotations for the business mart, the theatre, the church, the political arena, the dinner party, etc. If made to be sold very cheap it would have a good sale; or it might be combined at a higher price with a book on manners. See No. 770.

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From One Thousand Ways to Make Money by Page Fox (Abbey Press, 1900).

Image from A Ramble round the Globe by Baron Dewar (1896), courtesy of the British Library.