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Radio Drama: 'The Green Thing' (1950)

A green thing

'The Green Thing' originally aired September 28, 1950 on 2000 Plus. You can listen along here.

Thoughts Before Listening

There are so many green things in our world today. That in itself makes this radio drama potentially very exciting. Does it really tho? Obviously it doesn’t. Actually I just went for the one with the most boring title. So here we go.

Thoughts While Listening

We are apparently listening to a voice that no man on earth has ever heard before wow

So this story is about a horrible nightmare that doesn’t stop, even when the dreamer wakes up- HAY THAT DOESN’T SOUND SO BAD

A dude said it was some future time and that this is some sanatorium I think so

A fellow in said sanatorium is having a bad dream aw L

Now it is the next day and I think the doctor is talking about the man who was having the bad dream

He’s talking to someone who I am going to call Clint, just so we don’t get all these dudes mixed up

The guy who is not Clint is suffering from melancholia

Aren’t we all tho?

I have been informed by Illustrious Acquaintance that we are not all suffering from melancholia actually

The doctor believes that the green thing is a green devil

I should have mentioned that the man having the bad dream who is not Clint kept saying something about a green thing sry

The doctor says the green thing is actually a green hat? That the dude lost as a child and then he got in big trouble for it? Idk

We are now going to see this dream photographed from his subconscious mind oh wow

This is done via nerve electrodes and some film that is on the machine and it’s apparently like wireless photography

That was sufficiently future technology science-y for me to warrant a wow so wow

There is also a nurse who generally comes and goes. That is her function on this show

This dream sounds a lot like performance art

He orders three slices of lemon drops whaaaaaa

This dream is amazing

Ok, so here is the visual- the green thing is green. And it’s a monster. And it’s got great big pink? eyes on long stalks

Oh and it has claws

I think the monster tried to non-consensually touch the dude NOT COOL GREEN THING

I think they’re going to watch another dream now

This one is from the violent ward and it contains gibberish from a successful business man turned homicidal maniac I think so and it was not bad I have to say 7 out of 10

How embarrassing if someone could see our dreams no? I would just die. JUST. DIE.

It’s the same green thing with the non-consensual touching HOW IS THIS HAPPENING WOW

The doctor has a funny feeling inside so he is going to view all the dream reels

The green thing has been spotted again!

All the sightings have happened in the last week!


They’ve put up a…garter screen?

And it’s around the building?


They are seeing something! Someone! With a club! Or a stick! Gosh!

Nemmind it’s the patrol corps

They keep freaking out over the patrol corps actually

Like oh my god what is that call the patrol corps and it’s like oh wait nemmind it’s just the patrol corps

All the patients have disappeared!

Only 4 of the patients have disappeared! Sry!

No jet mobiles or jet ships have been in the vicinity but there seems to be a village close by and it’s a backwoods country village. So there’s that.

The patients have gone to the inn?

What inn?

Nono, the inn is where they will get all information regarding the patients ok got it

So the doctor and Clint have set off for this most backward village and the inn

I’m assuming that we are in the inn now because the people there are talking in a manner which I think we are supposed to interpret as most backward

The backwards inn and peoples of the future are just like the backwards inns and peoples of the past you guys

Like even I think there is like a violin jig playing in the background

So the last time a jet ship came to these parts the people went crazy or something because they thought it was a spaceship

Once someone I knew almost ate a gecko egg because it was under their pillow and they thought it was a mint

Inn folk are talking about ghosts but they are saying ‘haunts’ for ghosts and sometimes it sounds like they are saying aunts

Like aunts don’t exist

The doctor also believes that aunts don’t exist

Wow these people are really drawling the heck out of their backward village drawls


It was spotted floating near some caves

Why does that sound gross?

The doctor and Clint are headed to the caves

Guys the caves are really creepy I guess

The green thing has successfully appropriated Clint bai Clint

I think the doctor is being appropriated?

I don’t know what’s happening but whatever it is, it sounds an awful lot like a horse

Now a deep voice is talking to the doctor

The voice is like come with me and the doctor is like no but it’s much more dramatic

I think the doctor has successfully woken up and broken the spell or something

Looks like he didn’t tho

Ya it’s the green thing BAI

They are going into a rough chamber now

We know this because the green thing said come into this rough chamber

All the doctor’s patients are in here too

They all seem to be moaning

They are moaning because they don’t understand the doctor anymore they are only tuned to Venusian thought waves OH ITS AN ALIEN FROM VENUS AKA WEENUS

Previously, we learned that Venus is a man’s world!

The aliens from Venus want our awesome resources and technology

Sometimes I feel like we make up aliens as an excuse to talk about how amazing we are

The doctor is now trying to beat the green thing but I don’t think it’s working because violence isn’t the answer?

Actually it’s not working because the green thing has no corporeal essence my dudes

So the Venusians want our bodies basically. It’s the old, old, story you guys.

Oh wait something happened!

Clint shot the monster?

Wasn’t he appropriated?

I think the cave is collapsing.

All these various dudes have run away from the green thing and not gotten all smooshed in the cave collapse and gotten out of the cave because THESE ARE THE HECKING VARIOUS DUDES

The Venusian is stuck in there tho

Something is happening and it sounds like a toilet flushing

Oh the cave fell down completely

And thusly, the doctor and Clint saved earth from the green Venusians

Thoughts After Listening

A few times what happened was I typed Venetian instead of Venusian. And I guess that’s all I have to say about that.


Image: Surface of a Mint leaf, scanning electron microscopy by Annie Cavanagh, via the Wellcome Image Library.