'The Green Thing' originally aired September 28, 1950 on 2000 Plus. You can listen along here.
Thoughts Before Listening
There are so many green things in our world today. That in itself makes this radio drama potentially very exciting. Does it really tho? Obviously it doesn’t. Actually I just went for the one with the most boring title. So here we go.
Thoughts While Listening
We are apparently listening to a voice that no man on earth has ever heard before wow
So this story is about a horrible nightmare that doesn’t stop, even when the dreamer wakes up- HAY THAT DOESN’T SOUND SO BAD
A dude said it was some future time and that this is some sanatorium I think so
A fellow in said sanatorium is having a bad dream aw L
Now it is the next day and I think the doctor is talking about the man who was having the bad dream
He’s talking to someone who I am going to call Clint, just so we don’t get all these dudes mixed up
The guy who is not Clint is suffering from melancholia
Aren’t we all tho?
I have been informed by Illustrious Acquaintance that we are not all suffering from melancholia actually
The doctor believes that the green thing is a green devil
I should have mentioned that the man having the bad dream who is not Clint kept saying something about a green thing sry
The doctor says the green thing is actually a green hat? That the dude lost as a child and then he got in big trouble for it? Idk
We are now going to see this dream photographed from his subconscious mind oh wow
This is done via nerve electrodes and some film that is on the machine and it’s apparently like wireless photography
That was sufficiently future technology science-y for me to warrant a wow so wow
There is also a nurse who generally comes and goes. That is her function on this show
This dream sounds a lot like performance art
He orders three slices of lemon drops whaaaaaa
This dream is amazing
Ok, so here is the visual- the green thing is green. And it’s a monster. And it’s got great big pink? eyes on long stalks
Oh and it has claws
I think the monster tried to non-consensually touch the dude NOT COOL GREEN THING
I think they’re going to watch another dream now
This one is from the violent ward and it contains gibberish from a successful business man turned homicidal maniac I think so and it was not bad I have to say 7 out of 10
How embarrassing if someone could see our dreams no? I would just die. JUST. DIE.
It’s the same green thing with the non-consensual touching HOW IS THIS HAPPENING WOW
The doctor has a funny feeling inside so he is going to view all the dream reels
The green thing has been spotted again!
All the sightings have happened in the last week!
MAYBE IT’S SOMETHING THEY ALL ATE JUST SAYING
They’ve put up a…garter screen?
And it’s around the building?
They are seeing something! Someone! With a club! Or a stick! Gosh!
Nemmind it’s the patrol corps
They keep freaking out over the patrol corps actually
Like oh my god what is that call the patrol corps and it’s like oh wait nemmind it’s just the patrol corps
All the patients have disappeared!
Only 4 of the patients have disappeared! Sry!
No jet mobiles or jet ships have been in the vicinity but there seems to be a village close by and it’s a backwoods country village. So there’s that.
The patients have gone to the inn?
Nono, the inn is where they will get all information regarding the patients ok got it
So the doctor and Clint have set off for this most backward village and the inn
I’m assuming that we are in the inn now because the people there are talking in a manner which I think we are supposed to interpret as most backward
The backwards inn and peoples of the future are just like the backwards inns and peoples of the past you guys
Like even I think there is like a violin jig playing in the background
So the last time a jet ship came to these parts the people went crazy or something because they thought it was a spaceship
Once someone I knew almost ate a gecko egg because it was under their pillow and they thought it was a mint
Inn folk are talking about ghosts but they are saying ‘haunts’ for ghosts and sometimes it sounds like they are saying aunts
Like aunts don’t exist
The doctor also believes that aunts don’t exist
Wow these people are really drawling the heck out of their backward village drawls
THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT A GREEN THING NOW
It was spotted floating near some caves
Why does that sound gross?
The doctor and Clint are headed to the caves
Guys the caves are really creepy I guess
The green thing has successfully appropriated Clint bai Clint
I think the doctor is being appropriated?
I don’t know what’s happening but whatever it is, it sounds an awful lot like a horse
Now a deep voice is talking to the doctor
The voice is like come with me and the doctor is like no but it’s much more dramatic
I think the doctor has successfully woken up and broken the spell or something
Looks like he didn’t tho
Ya it’s the green thing BAI
They are going into a rough chamber now
We know this because the green thing said come into this rough chamber
All the doctor’s patients are in here too
They all seem to be moaning
They are moaning because they don’t understand the doctor anymore they are only tuned to Venusian thought waves OH ITS AN ALIEN FROM VENUS AKA WEENUS
Previously, we learned that Venus is a man’s world!
The aliens from Venus want our awesome resources and technology
Sometimes I feel like we make up aliens as an excuse to talk about how amazing we are
The doctor is now trying to beat the green thing but I don’t think it’s working because violence isn’t the answer?
Actually it’s not working because the green thing has no corporeal essence my dudes
So the Venusians want our bodies basically. It’s the old, old, story you guys.
Oh wait something happened!
Clint shot the monster?
Wasn’t he appropriated?
I think the cave is collapsing.
All these various dudes have run away from the green thing and not gotten all smooshed in the cave collapse and gotten out of the cave because THESE ARE THE HECKING VARIOUS DUDES
The Venusian is stuck in there tho
Something is happening and it sounds like a toilet flushing
Oh the cave fell down completely
And thusly, the doctor and Clint saved earth from the green Venusians
Thoughts After Listening
A few times what happened was I typed Venetian instead of Venusian. And I guess that’s all I have to say about that.
Image: Surface of a Mint leaf, scanning electron microscopy by Annie Cavanagh, via the Wellcome Image Library.