The [End] State of the Kitsch
Ban Fiction: 'Then Somebody Bends' by Mazin Saleem

The Absolute and Definitive Ranking of Every Marvel Movie


This is final and inarguable.

  1. Black Panther

  2. Guardians of the Galaxy

  3. Thor: Ragnarok

  4. Deadpool

  5. Spider-Man 2: The Alfred Molina Parts Are Really Amazing

  6. Blade

  7. Spider-Man: Homecoming

  8. Avengers

  9. X-Men: loved it more 20 years ago; now find its shame about being a comic book film deeply unsatisfying

  10. Iron Man 3: I mean, really, Iron Man has PTSD in this film; it's quietly revolutionary

  11. Captain America 2: Slash Soldier

  12. Captain America 3: Top Trumps

  13. Ant Man: presence of Paul Rudd doesn't quite make up for total sidelining of female character

  14. Punisher: Ray Stevenson

  15. Logan

  16. Guardians 2

  17. Thor 2

  18. Iron Man

  19. Blade 3: Ryan Reynolds and Parker Posey

  20. Spider-Man

  21. Blade 2:*sniff sniff* its a NEUROTOXIN


  23. Thor

  24. Iron Man 2

  25. Captain America

  26. The Incredible Hulk 

  27. Punisher: Thomas Jane

  28. X-Men 2

  29. Avengers: Age of Ultron

  30. Doctor Strange

  31. All the other Wolverine movies, I guess? They made so many.

  32. Punisher: Dolph Lundgren

  33. X-Men 3

  34. Any movie with the word "Fantastic" in the title

  35. Amazing Spider-Man: Emma Stone is Better Than This

  36. Amazing Spider-Man 2: Emma Stone is Much Better Than This

  37. Spider-Man 3: WTF

We did this for DC too. You're welcome.