The Jewels of Kali - Illustrious Acquaintance believed I shouldn’t listen to this because why listen to something that you know is going to be racist bananas on a cracker and just general bananas on a cracker also. WHY NOT LISTEN TO IT THO? Anyway, then we were like, white people always seem to have a thing for Kali, no? Then we felt bad for saying “white people” in “that way”. Then Illustrious Acquaintance thought I should listen to this because Kali might be short for cauliflower and that might be interesting.
The Crawling Thing by The Hall of Fantasy, The Damned Thing by CBS Radio Mystery Theatre, The Thing from the Sea by Dark Fantasy, The Thing Inside by CBS Radio Mystery Theatre, The Thing in the Window by Suspense, The Author and the Thing by Lights Out - Illustrious Acquaintance was like ok what kind of thing crawls, lives in the sea AND in the window, is also inside and damned and with an author? And then for some reason, Illustrious Acquaintance started asking people this like dude legit knew the answer to this clever riddle. A particularly astute child said the thing was ‘your butt’. There was also a radio play called The Girl Who Found Things, which the astute child informed me, was also your butt.
Come to the Bank by Lights Out - I would love to hear a radio play about banks, especially if it is called 'Come to the Bank'. I get that this is probably not that kind of bank.
My Thoughts on a YouTube Video in a Train or something idk
This is great. It’s just like being in a train. But I’m actually not in a train
This is boring now
It’s been like 14 seconds
There are no people in this country
What country is this?
Where is everybody?
This is definitely not my country
There is snow and general desolation and some buildings
And a horse. Is that a horse?
Lots of fields
Lots and lots and lots of fields
If you had to walk across one of these fields and you died halfway I don’t think anyone would ever know
Except someone like me who is on the train
I am not even on this train tho
Feel like as an Indian, I should probably use this opportunity to pretend I am abroad in this foreign train
I’m not sure how to do that
WHAT IS THE POINT ANYWAY THERE IS NO ONE HERE
It’s a station!
There is no one in this station.
This is like the end of the world.
WHERE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE
WHY IS THIS LIKE THIS
My Thoughts on a Production of The Vagina Monologues I’m So Sorry
As a woman, it is important for me to watch and appreciate this.
Are we supposed to laugh when they say ‘cunt’?
No. We are not.
This is the most American play in the whole world.
Illustrious Acquaintance says that’s what makes it universal.
Illustrious Acquaintance is scared because they made some dude go up on stage and some lady yelled at him and everyone clapped but it was part of the play??? I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON
Are they going to do that to all of us?
EVERYONE HIDE YOUR PENISES
Why are they clapping is it over?
It is not over.
They are clapping because I don’t know why but I am not clapping oh my fucking god why am I not clapping CLAP MOTHERFUCKER
Illustrious Acquaintance and I are both scared now
Maybe that’s supposed to happen with this play?
I guess the lesson is that sometimes in life we find ourselves in situations where we are very scared because we don’t know if we’re supposed to laugh or clap
My Thoughts on Everything is Terrible - Halloween Will Kill You!
GRAVEYARDS BEING DEFACATED ON! (Illustrated Acquaintance would like to know how one would defecate on an entire graveyard. I would also like to know this.)
HUMAN SACRIFICE IS COMMON IN AMERICA!
HARRY POTTER PRESENTS GOD AS A FEMINIST!
HARRY POTTER’S FOREHEAD IS MARKED WITH THE LIGHTNING BOLT OF THE HITLER SS! (I did not realize this until now WHY WON’T THE MEDIA TALK ABOUT THIS????!!!!!)
My Thoughts on Jan Terri
Sorry but I like these songs sry to all the cool kids
Fax My Love
My Thoughts on My Pal Foot Foot by The Shaggs
I JUST LIKE IT OK GOSH
Illustrious Acquaintance says this song is exactly like my fiction but I don’t think they meant that in a nice way
My Thoughts on Mouth Diarrhoea
I don’t really know who Tami Lahren is but do you need to know that to know that this song is off the hecking chain? NO YOU DO NOT! Thanks from India, Tami!
Image from Love lyrics and valentine's verses for young and old (1875)